🌙 1. When Love First Knocked

When love first entered my life,
it did not come like a wildfire —
it came like a soft candle in a dark room.

I met him at a time when my soul was ready for partnership — for building, for belonging, for finally creating something new beyond my family’s old patterns.

He was kind.
He was eager.
He seemed to carry a stability I longed for —
a grounding presence that whispered:

This time, it will be different.

I opened my heart willingly.
I crossed oceans willingly.
I believed —
because my heart had not yet learned that even love can sometimes carry old karmic lessons inside its folds.

🌙✨ This post is part of my Healing Journey Series — Part 1 with a sacred unfolding across six chapters. If you are new here, you may wish to begin from the beginning to walk the full journey with me. 🌙✨

💙 2. Early Joy, Early Shadows

At first, the new life sparkled:

• Marriage celebrated with family.
• A fresh start in a new land.
• A dream of growing side by side, equally.

But slowly, shadows crept in:

• Celebrations forgotten.
• Small absences becoming larger silences.
• The quiet dismissal of sacred days that mattered only to me.

It did not crash down at once.
It drifted apart — like a river changing course without warning.

I noticed:

• How small I felt when my joy was forgotten.
• How heavy I felt when my dreams had no witness.
• How lonely I felt when our milestones passed like ordinary days.

And somewhere inside me, an old, familiar ache returned —
one I thought I had left behind in my childhood home:

If I am strong enough, quiet enough, patient enough… maybe I will be chosen again.

🌑 3. The Repetition of Childhood Patterns

My marriage slowly, painfully mirrored the home I came from:

• Emotional abandonment disguised as “busy-ness” or “practical life.”
• Invisible labor — carrying the emotional weight alone, while outward appearances stayed “normal.”
• Dreams deferred — because survival and appearances came first.

It was not cruelty.
It was unconsciousness.

He did not know how to hold sacred what he had never been taught to honor.
I did not know how to demand dignity without first bleeding for it.

And so we drifted:

• Waiting alone for recognition that never arrived.
• Celebrating alone what should have been shared.
• Sacrificing alone what should have been protected.

🕯️ 4. The Moments of Deeper Betrayal

There were moments I cannot erase:

• Emotional betrayals — conversations with other women that bruised trust, even if no physical betrayal followed.
• Moments where I was treated as “too emotional,” “too demanding,”
  when all I asked for was basic remembrance, basic care.

It hurt not because I expected perfection —
but because I had built my heart on loyalty,
and it was not met with the same.

Yet even in the pain,
I did not become bitter.

I became clear.

✨ 5. The Turning Point: Choosing Sovereignty

At some point —
after missed anniversaries,
after silent winters,
after broken agreements —
I stopped begging.

I stopped waiting for flowers at the door.
I stopped hoping he would wake up one morning and see the cost of what he had ignored.

I realized:

It is not his job to heal the wounds he does not yet even know how to name.
It is my job to stop offering my soul on the altar of unawareness.

I loved him.
I still bless him.
But I began loving myself more.

I began celebrating myself without waiting for someone to remember the date.
I began affirming my dreams without waiting for someone to clap.
I began walking forward without dragging silent resentments behind me.

I stopped waiting to be chosen.
I chose myself.

🪞 6. Marriage Became a Mirror — Not a Cage

Marriage did not fail me.
Marriage revealed me.

It showed me:

• Where I still craved validation from absent witnesses.
• Where I still measured my worth by how much pain I could silently endure.
• Where I still believed love was proven by sacrifice.

Through the mirror of marriage,
I did not just see his limitations —
I saw the parts of myself that were still willing to shrink in order to stay loved.

And I chose to heal them.

🌟 Reflection at the End of Chapter 3

Today, I bless every lonely anniversary.
I bless every silent meal.
I bless every tear cried unseen.

They were not proof that I was unworthy.
They were proof that I was awakening.

I no longer ask life to send me perfect partners.

I ask life to keep sending me mirrors —
until I see every part of myself fully,
and choose love, loyalty, and celebration from within.

And now,
I walk forward:

• Not waiting.
• Not blaming.
• Not shrinking.

I walk crowned in my own light.

Because the soul who chooses herself
chooses life in its fullest form.

— Hoa Rompasaari